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    Profile photo of Joanna


    I have found this site in the hope someone can advise me with my situation. I have a partner who has a 16 year old son who may have this condition. I unfortunately feel out of my depths having had no children of my own to compare and with the son not having any communication with his own mum during his short life i find myself here. I have read up now on Selective Mutism and feel very much this could be what he has. To be honest up till now his actions or behavour has left me feeling very rejected to the point it makes me feel depressed. I feel very much out of my depth with no real child experience. With only my friends kids to compare with and knowing that him moving to a new country and culture when he was younger, and having no mother parent in his life it is difficult to work out for sure the reasons why he is like he is as there could be a number of reason to be honest. My friends say its just the teenage years as he has no problem with talking with his friends, school work is fine but all we get is no or don’t know to everything. I have tried asking open questions, but still nothing. There is no conversation with us both and at times it is so frustrating. I have not gone in trying to be his mum at all, but now feel its more than this. I am not sure where to turn to and how to deal with it. I find it upsetting as I have always got on with all ages and blame myself for not knowing what I am doing, but when I ask him anything there is a blank silence and does not say yes to anything I offer. I really worry about him and how he will get on moving forward in his life. Any help or advise would be appreciated.

    Profile photo of sirensandshipwrecks

    Hi Joanna!

    So you are feeling frustrated and hurt because he will not talk to you despite being able to talk normally with everyone else? I can see why that would be distressing! I’m sorry you have been feeling this way. 🙁

    Has your partner talked to his son about this at all? Perhaps he can explain more about how he is feeling toward you. Does he seem angry when you try talking to him, or is it just simply silence and being “blank,” as you described?

    By the way, I think it is great that you are looking for help to connect better with him. 🙂

    Profile photo of admin

    It is great that you are trying to get some help. Remember it is not your responsibility to change him or even to make him like you. All you can do is be there if/when he is ready to open up. If I were in your situation, I would just try to feel comfortable without having to talk or ask questions. Since you’re just trying to build a relationship, you can just use non-verbal communication like a smile or a hug. You can be as creative as you want because speech only makes up a small part of communication. And slowly over time your message will get through that you are not there to change him or get something out of him. And then maybe he can start to be himself around you.

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